Ranching Rules The President Forgot

The World knows that George Bush likes to clear brush on his ranch when he's on vacation, but has he learned anything there? Texans know that a person probably can't go wrong with the powerful lessons that can be learned operating a ranch and observing cattle. Bush appears to have retained some of the rules from the ranch, but seems to have forgotten some of the most important ones.

Ranching Rules Bush brought from Crawford into the White House:

• When a bull pushes everyone else away from the feed trough, he eats better
• Cattle don’t like you messing with them, so either restrain them, or trick them when you’re going to do something to them that hurts
  
• Talk to your cattle. It doesn’t matter what you say, just that you are always talking in sootthing tones
  
• Don’t give names to cattle you are planning to butcher
  
• Never let the herd see you doing away with their dead
  
• Never complain about the smell of bullshit (to a rancher it’s the smell of money)
• Cattle aren’t very smart and are easily distracted
  

Ranching Rules Bush seems to have forgotten in the White House:

• Inbreeding in a herd fosters weakness and stupidity
  
• You can put bullshit in the cattle feed trough, but they are smart enough to recognize it, and it pisses them off
  
• It’s okay to have an occasional donkey mixed in with the herd (they keep the coyotes away)
  
• If you keep squeezing a cow when she’s out of milk, she’ll finally kick the crap out of you
  
• When the cattle see you coming, they expect to get something
  
• If you get rid of a leader in the herd, the one who takes its place will do the same thing as the former
  
• The leader of the herd loses face if she signals you are bringing food and you don’t
• Don’t let cattle see you feeding another herd (it pisses them off if they don’t get the same thing)
  
• The only time cattle really pay attention to you is when they think you’re standing between them and something they want
  
• Ultimately, if they don't eat, you don't eat
  
• The real leader of the herd is always a female
  
• It's the rancher's responsibility to see that the cattle can get good health care
• Cattle generally do best when they have a rancher who is smarter than they are